Senioritis
by Deserted Eternity
Summary: AU. Ed's a senior in high school, Mustang a history teacher. Near the end of the year, what will happen when everyone's ready to be out of school? Pranks, Water-balloon fights, and who knows what else. A bit of yaoi, once we get into it.
1. the joke's on you

**H'okay, so I got this idea while bored out of my brain in the car, and I couldn't get it out of my head.**

**So yeah, this is AU. The homunculi and such don't exist, just the characters. Ed is a senior in high school, and Mustang is the teacher in a particular history class.**

**In this fic, Mustang is modeled loosely after my US History teacher. He's my favorite teacher, and I felt like Noblitt's personality matches Mustang's enough to work. So here goes!**

* * *

"Edward Elric!" With the baritone-voiced teacher roaring in his ear, Ed was jarred awake. He sat bolt upright in his desk, golden eyes wide in alarm.

"Jesus, Mustang, don't do that! Nearly gave me a heart attack!" Ed panted, clutching his chest.

"So don't fall asleep in my class!" Roy growled, leaning on the student's desk with one dark eye narrowed irritably.

"But it's so booring!" Ed whined. "All you do is lecture! Half the time you wander off to a completely different topic and lesson ends up being a debate." He crossed his arms belligerently.

"Well, I can't deny the debate part, but I can remind you that it's points off your grade every time I catch you dozing." Roy said, standing and propping one hand on his hip.

"Wow Mustang, you look really gay standing like that." Ed remarked, looking his teacher up and down with a mocking grin.

Roy rolled his eyes, strolling back to the board. "Thank you for another completely irrelevant and immature comment, Ed."

"That's what I'm here for." Ed replied, sitting back in his desk with a smirk.

Some of the other students took a few moments to get their giggles under control at Ed's comment. It was a running joke that Roy was gay and had affairs with other teachers or a student, depending on who you asked. Few knew that their joke was true, except for the affairs. Only a few of the faculty, Ed, and Al knew.

They only knew because they'd lived pretty much next door, since Roy's apartment complex was just down the street. After their mother's death, some of the adults in that area pretty much adopted the boys in a sense. Roy had started helping the boys with homework, and still did so occasionally.

This was also partly the reason Ed was so cavalier in his attitude in Roy's class, and why he let him get away with it. He was rather fond of both the boys, and he knew that irritating him was just Ed's way.

Roy was a well-liked teacher despite his sometimes brusque manner, and many of the students preferred the way every lesson dissolved into a class debate over one thing or another. Roy often let this happen on purpose, knowing that it was a way to get them interested in the subject and actually learn something. A few of the argumentative souls, like Ed when he wasn't sleepy, highly enjoyed these debates. So, even though the original lesson often wasn't covered, the students learned something and had fun arguing. By some miracle he always got enough covered that those who bothered paying attention could score high on the final exam, so his methods were rarely questioned by the other teachers(unless the class got a bit too into the debate and created a ruckus).

"So, moving on with our lives, does anyone remember what I was saying before pausing to wake sleeping beauty over there?" Roy said, quirking an eyebrow sidelong at Ed.

"Civil War, Mustang." Ed supplied with a smirk.

A bark of derisive laughter escaped Roy's lips. "Lucky guess, Ed, but if you'd been awake you wouldn'tve jumped when I shouted."

"Got me there, old man." Ed shrugged, leaning back in his chair.

"Hoi! Thirty-five isn't old!" Roy said indignantly, scowling.

"Yes it is!" Asserted several voices from the rest of the class.

Roy rolled his eyes. "Okay fine, I'm old. But that just further qualifies me to teach history. So, the war." He picked up where he left off, until someone piped up with a question that sent him into a detailed explanation, which someone else questioned. In this manner he got right off track, and when someone made a statement that another student disagreed with, there went order. Ed smirked, adding his own voice to the argument. History class was always fun.

* * *

"Seriously Mustang, you need a life." Ed remarked. School had been let out, but Ed always hung around for a little while in Roy's room after school. Sometimes he was waiting for Al, but mostly it was simply because he could. "You spend until five-thirty doing God knows what, then go home, eat, and go to sleep? You have no life."

"Of course not. I'm a school teacher. Social Security pays old people more than I get paid by the county. On my paycheck, one can't have a life." Roy replied caustically, entering grades and attendance. "Teachers who haven't been teaching for long, like me, get little more than scraps. Once I've been teaching for a while I'll get better pay."

"Good luck with that." Ed pulled a face. "How you can stand to teach some of these ijjits is beyond me, and for practically nothing."

"Sometimes I think the very same thing, actually." Roy said, sighing slightly.

"So why not quit teaching and do something that pays more?" Ed inclined his head slightly.

"Good question." Roy commented with a snort. "Half the time I'm not sure. But this job has its pros, however hard they may be to find." He shrugged.

Ed grimaced and slid off the desk he'd been perching on, starting to stroll out the door. "Well, if you say so. See ya."

"Hey Ed!" Roy called before the teen was too far out the door.

Ed poked his head around the doorframe. "What?"

Roy lobbed a marker at him. "Do your bloody homework for once! You're killin' me with your laziness!"

Ed dodged the missile, poking his tongue out impishly. "Feh! If anything killed you it'd be old age, O ancient one!"

"You impudent little brat!" Roy fumed, lurching upright. When Ed yelped and scampered out of sight, Roy smiled fondly and sat back down, shaking his head.

...

"Hey Ed, you're a senior, right?" Winry asked as they strolled around the school to pull Al away from the library. The young media assistant would often immerse himself in a book and lose track of where he was and what time it was.

"Uh-huh." Ed hummed.

"You're only sixteen, you should be a junior." Winry said, her brows furrowing in confusion.

"It's called skipping a grade." Ed replied, rapping her temple with one knuckle scathingly. "Besides, if I hadn't skipped my junior year, they'd want me to be a Junior Marshal. Graduation's gonna be enough of a pain, but I'd rather not stand out there in a tux for three hours just because I'm in the top percentage of my year. I want to stand out there for three hours because I'm getting _out_ of this place."

"That's a sorry reason, Ed." Winry said with a mock-scowl.

"It's a reason." Ed waved airily, pretending to ignore Winry's false scowl.

"But hey, since you're a senior, you can do your senior prank this year." Winry commented, grinning wickedly.

Ed smirked maliciously. "Oh yeah. I already have it planned. I know _exactly_ what I'm gonna do, where, and how."

"Ooh, tell me!" Winry leaned close, whispering conspiratorially.

"Nah, I don't wanna spoil it." Ed grinned mischievously.

* * *

It was the first week of the final six weeks, the end was nearing. All of the students and many of the teachers were eager for the school year to be over with. So not surprisingly, it was a slightly weary Roy who strolled late into his classroom one Friday morning, pausing in the doorway to survey his room with a confused frown on his handsome features.

The desk next to his actual teacher's desk, the one that served as a general repository for papers, books, and other classroom junk, had been cleared of its burden. The mass of papers that had once rested on it were now scattered on the floor.

Mysteriously, there was a small bottle of hand-lotion on the windowsill against which the desk stood; open, mostly empty and propped against the windowpane. Some of the slick, viscous substance lolled from the open cap like a pale tongue, threatening to drop onto the sill.

Odder still was the thick white liquid that formed small pools on the desktop, some dripping onto the floor and turning a few of the papers into pulp. Roy looked at the students. Most were eyeing the white liquid warily, looking from the puddle to Roy and back uneasily. One or two seemed oblivious and were curious as to what the big deal was. Ed was slouched in his chair, apparently asleep. His lips were curved into a tiny smirk that Roy made sure to notice.

He ran a hand through his short, black hair, adopting a contrite expression. "Oh man guys, sorry about this. Dammit, I forgot to clean up again. Ed!" He turned to the teen. "You need to remind me next time!"

Ed opened one eye slowly, still smirking at his teacher. "Sorry Roy. I was in a hurry, had to get home before Al noticed I was late."

Roy struggled not to burst out in laughter at the horrified looks on the class' faces. _Nice touch, using my first name. I'll get you for this, Ed_. "Fine. You gonna help me clean up? It is your mess, after all."

"Pfft. I'm tired. It's your room, you clean it." Ed drawled, yawning for good measure.

Roy rolled his eyes as he set to mopping up the cream and replacing the salvaged junk back on the table, pitching the cream-soaked papers with the wads of paper towel. He tossed the almost-empty bottle of lotion to Ed. "I think that's yours, lazy-ass."

"So it is. I need to bring better stuff next time, though." Ed grimaced, rubbing his lower back. Roy stifled his mirth by biting his lower lip, not looking up for fear of bursting into hysterics when he saw the expressions his students were wearing.

The class was unusually quiet that day, and they got over twice as much covered than they normally did. All through the lesson, Ed struggled not to grin, instead settling on a smug smirk. The rumors would abound for a while, until they got tired of that particular piece of gossip. Ed didn't really care that he'd be the butt of many a snide comment until the excitement died down. It was so worth it.

He had actually half-expected Roy to play along, but it was a surprise when he pulled Ed into it. That was an opportunity too good to miss. The class' looks of fascinated horror and repulsion were enough to make him want to burst out laughing, even more so when Roy looked on the edge of hysterics himself.

Most of the people in the class rushed out with uncharacteristic alacrity when the bell rang, and Roy took the brief respite during class-change to compose himself. He'd have a word with that impossible teen after school, whether on school grounds or back home.

...

Ed dropped by the room after school, pushing two desks together and stretching out on his back across the desktops in nonchalant silence. He fixed one gold eye on Roy, waiting for the teacher to speak with an expectant smirk curving his lips.

Roy pretended to ignore the teen for a few minutes, finishing up the attendance charts for that day before looking up at Ed with a carefully neutral expression. "Can I help you, Ed?"

Ed burst into hysteric giggles, unable to contain himself. He rolled onto his side and curled up into a loose fetal position, covering his face with the hand not clutching his abdomen.

Roy's lips twitched despite his effort to maintain a straight face, but soon Ed's mirth caught and he allowed himself a chuckle, shaking his head at the teen.

"Oh man…" Ed gasped through his laughter, sitting upright and dabbing at the tears beading in his eyes. "That went better than expected." He got himself under control at straightened up, taking a few shaky breaths before grinning at Roy.

Roy quirked an eyebrow at the teen. "Really? Well, I'm glad I could entertain you for a while. But it seems sort of pointless since you turned the joke on yourself."

"Hey, your comment pulled me into it." Ed asserted with mild indignation. "I just went along with it. Besides, I can tolerate a few off-color comments from the peanut gallery. That was worth it." He stifled another bout of chuckles by biting his lower lip.

"So, that _was_ cream you spread around, right?" Roy asked, slightly wary.

"D'oh. What did you think I used, real cum?" Ed retorted with a scathing snort.

Roy smirked. "With you, Ed, I can never tell."

"Good point." Ed grinned.

"Hey now, don't have too much fun! We're going over to Winry's for dinner tonight, remember Ed?" Al called from the door, grinning.

"Hey Alphonse." Roy waved to the younger Elric.

"Hello, Mr. Mustang." Al smiled, entering the class. "By the way, Ed, I'd appreciate a picture of ground zero the next time you prank him! I wish I was there when you walked in." He matched Ed's mischievous smirk with his own.

Roy rolled his eyes. "I'll be sure to snap a photo for you next time, Al. So, were you in on the plan?" He quirked an eyebrow.

"I only knew he was gonna prank you, Ed never tells me details." Al shrugged. "But I wondered were all that cream went, and why you wanted to borrow that lotion from Winry."

"If I'd told anyone, the prank would've been ruined. Word spreads too fast." Ed commented by way of explanation, throwing an arm around his brother's shoulders. "So Al, did Winry say what's for supper tonight?"

"She said Granny's making stew." Al replied as the two siblings made their way out the door.

Roy grinned at Ed's exclamations of delight, shaking his head at the impossible teen's antics. He acted like a little kid sometimes, but both of those boys were more mature on many levels than any of their peers, since they'd been taking care of themselves for several years practically unaided. If Ed only acted it!

* * *

**This is what happens when I get bored. That prank idea came to me actually during a wedding reception, I think. X.x**

**Anyway, hope you like it so far. I'm certainly having fun! XD**


	2. minor, shminor!

**Not much to say at the moment, besides this: reviews while the fic is in-progress helps me get ideas and see what I should keep doing or stop doing, it makes everyone happy in the end. So review, and I shall love you munches!**

* * *

"Hey look, it's a gnome!" Roy taunted, grinning wolfishly at the golden-haired figure perched with legs crossed on the park bench, reading with such intensity Roy thought the book might turn to stone.

Ed looked up and scowled irritably at Roy. "Wanna come here and say that, old man?" He all but hissed.

"Old man, am I?" Roy said with an icy smile, strolling over to Ed. "Bet I could easily take you down, runt."

Ed launched like a loaded spring from the bench with intent to maul. "Call me small one more time and you'll be sorry, you geriatric jerk!"

Roy crouched down a bit, his balance hardly affected when Ed hit him. He simply grabbed the madly writhing body, tilting his head to avoid Ed's fists. "Oh yeah? How're you gonna do that, shrimp? You're half my size!"

Ed raged and snarled, arms and legs flailing. Roy grinned in amusement at the easily-annoyed teen's antics, replacing the discarded book gently on the bench and strolling off with Ed draped over one shoulder.

Ed squirmed, managing to slip partially out of Roy's grip so that he had to hook one arm over the man's shoulder to keep from falling. He assessed his new position with a smirk, deftly burying his knee in Roy's groin.

He uttered a triumphant bark of laughter when Roy sucked in a pained gasp, his knees buckling. Ed pulled himself out of Roy's failing grasp, stumbling back a pace to regain his balance. Roy fell to his knees, cupping both hands between his legs with mouth agape, doubling over until his brow touched the grass.

"Ed…" The older man gasped without unfolding from his kneeling position. "You're gonna pay for that one."

Ed smirked maliciously, crossing his arms as he gazed at his defeated teacher. "That's what you get for calling me small, Mustang."

Mustang twitched a few times before struggling upright, his dark eyes smoldering resentfully at the teen. "I could charge you with assault, you know." He growled.

"I'm a minor, genius." Ed retorted smugly. "They'd take my legal guardian to court, not me."

Roy snapped his fingers. "Damn, Civics _did_ sink in."

Ed laughed scathingly, turning to go back to his book. "There, see? As they say, I'm a genius by birth and a slacker by choice."

"Considering you skipped a grade, d'oh." Roy retorted, catching up with the teen. "I wish you weren't such a slacker, your grades suck."

"It's called senioritis, Mustang." Ed remarked, quirking an eyebrow at Roy over his shoulder. "It's this overwhelming feeling of 'I don't give a shit.'"

"I'm aware of this phenomenon, thank you." Roy said, lightly cuffing the back of Ed's head.

"Then stop acting so surprised." Ed stuck his lower lip out disapprovingly at Roy, sitting back on the bench and picking up his book. "I've busted my ass all through high school, haven't I earned a bit of slacking off now that I'm almost graduating? As long as I pass the final exams with a good grade, which I always do, I'm safe no matter what my letter grade for the final six weeks."

Roy slid into the bench next to the student, shaking his head. "If you slack of too much you won't be able to muster the grades to graduate, and you'll have to suffer through summer school or re-take the semester, depending on how badly you screw up."

"I do enough to pass, so if I make my usual good scores on the exams I'm in the clear. You worry too much, Mustang." Ed rolled his eyes, opening his book up to the page he'd been reading before.

Roy opened his mouth to reply, but a warning rumble from overhead caused both of them to look up and see the ominously dark clouds overhead.

"Shoot! I left my jacket at the house." Ed grumbled as the first drops spattered down. Soon the sky opened fully up, turning the shower into a downpour.

"C'mon, my apartment's closer." Roy said, standing hunched over slightly as he beckoned Ed to follow. He did so, and after a semi-frantic jog through the torrential rain that reduced visibility to almost none they got to Roy's apartment complex.

Roy led them under the shelter of the awning, pausing with Ed to wring out his clothes. He shook like a dog, drenching Ed further. He grinned at Ed's irritated grumbling, watching the teen wring water from his braid in amusement. He combed his own hair back, stifling his own complaints that now he looked like an old man who used too much pomade.

Once they deemed themselves free of the worst of the drips, Roy took Ed up a short flight of stairs and down a corridor, pulling the key from a pocket to let them in. Ed stepped inside, at ease in the apartment. He and Al had spent many an afternoon here when they were younger, getting help with their homework. They hadn't come over for homework help, or much of anything, for quite some time, and Roy missed it a bit. The two boys had been so innocent back then, stirring a paternal, protective instinct up in Roy.

Now they were both sturdy teenagers, in need of not so much protection as guidance. Al's still-young image held the promise of a very attractive young man, and Ed was already handsome even before he'd fully matured. Roy denied himself the new emotions and instincts they(Ed especially) now evoked.

"You know where everything is, make yourself comfortable. I'm gonna go change." Roy said, bustling past the teen toward the bedroom. "D'you think you'll need to borrow some clothes until yours dry?"

"Yeah," Ed looked down at his soaking clothing. "I think I might need to borrow something for a while." Roy waved a hand in acknowledgement and Ed wasted no time in digging up a fresh towel from the small guest bathroom, tossing his wet shirt and pants into a corner and scrubbing himself vigorously with the towel.

He heard a playful wolf-whistle from the short corridor that led off from the living area, scowling comically at the grinning Roy leaning against the wall. The older man had pulled on clean jeans, but had yet to don a shirt. Roy tossed a pair of sweatpants and an undershirt at Ed, grinning at the blush that dusted the teen's cheeks. "I didn't know you worked out, Ed." He remarked teasingly.

Ed turned his back to pull on the borrowed clothing, muttering darkly under his breath. When had Mustang gotten so… _hot?_ This was a problem. _He's my teacher, for crying out loud! He's over twice my age! Dammit, Ed, what's your problem?!_

Roy padded into the kitchen, starting the ritual of making coffee. "Shy for once are we, Ed? Good, maybe your new-found humility will make you act more your age!" He taunted. "I was about to say your shoe-size, but you already act like a toddler, so…" He ducked the sodden boot flung at him without turning around, grinning wickedly at Ed's irate ranting. _He's so cute when he's pissed!_ The delicate pink that flushed his cheeks when he was angry suited Ed's childishly handsome features. _Aaand we're stopping that train of thought right there_.

Ed slumped sullenly onto the couch, scowling irritably at the far wall, still blushing. He jumped slightly when Roy touched his shoulder, praying that his teacher didn't notice the flush as he accepted a steaming mug. Roy sat, thankfully, on the far end of the couch to drink his beverage, sighing in contentment after the first sip.

"What's with the deer-in-the-headlights look, Ed?" Roy asked softly, one dark eye fixing on the teen. Ed tensed up, looking at Roy with widened eyes. He stayed silent for a moment, willing himself to speak. Though, the way Roy had phrased his question, he probably had already guessed the answer.

"Nah, forget it." Roy waved a hand, dismissing the question. "Anyway, you hungry?"

Ed took a gulp of the strong, black coffee to unglue his tongue. "Well, I just had lunch, but…"

Roy snorted dryly. "That was a stupid question on my part. You're never _not_ hungry. Hold on a sec." He stood, putting his mug on the floor to one side before padding back into the kitchen.

Ed heaved a mental sigh of relief and leaned back into the couch, taking a few more sips of the bracing coffee before Roy returned, dropping a paper plate into the teen's lap. Ed blinked. "Jeez, Mustang, you didn't have to re-heat leftovers." He looked up at the older man, slightly perplexed.

Roy shrugged. "This is my dinner anyway, and I know your appetite." He quirked an eyebrow scathingly.

Ed smiled gratefully and applied himself to the food, wolfing it down in half the time it took Roy to eat. The teacher paused to watch his student, an amused smile lifting the corners of his lips. "If you eat that fast you'll do more harm than good, y'know."

Ed frowned briefly at Roy as he ate. "Aw shaddup, Mustang." He grumbled around a mouthful of food. He swallowed the huge mass, thus putting an end to the food on his plate.

Roy smirked at the teen, taking his time with his food. Ed watched him, obviously still hungry but not begging for food(for once). Roy glanced at him every now and then, noticing that every time he did so Ed looked away, a faint blush dusting the teen's cheeks. _Oy_.

"Hey Mustang." Roy looked over as Ed spoke, noting the sly smirk and wondering what the teen was up to.

Ed leaned forward. "Hold still, you've got something on the corner of your mouth…" His tongue flickered out, licking the tidbit of food from the corner of Roy's lips. Instead of pulling back he leaned even closer, pressing his lips experimentally onto Roy's. The older man stilled in surprise, which Ed took advantage of and completed the kiss, closing his mouth fully over Roy's.

His body reacted before he could think as Roy leaned into the contact, his eyelids drooping as his body relaxed. He had the presence of mind not to deepen it, which Ed tried to do himself by burying his hands in Roy's hair. That snapped him out of it. The older man pulled back, one hand on Ed's chest pushing the teen away.

Ed pouted, his cheeks bright red. Roy closed his eyes for a moment, composing himself before looking Ed firmly in the eyes.

"As you reminded me earlier, Ed, you're a minor." He said, his eyes narrowing slightly. Mostly because he was having a hard time suppressing his reaction.

"I don't give a flying fuck, and you usually aren't known for caring either." Ed retorted, getting himself under control, the flush fading from his cheeks.

Roy sighed slightly, shaking his head. "About most things I couldn't care less, but this is different, Ed. You're sixteen and a high school student, I'm thirty-five and a high school teacher. People tend to take offense to that."

Ed's lip curled. "People take offense to the fact that some people prefer those of their own gender. Even bisexuals like me are treated like that. People who have issues with that can go shove it, for all I care."

"I agree wholeheartedly, Ed, but the government doesn't. There are laws, not so much about homo- and bisexuality but about people having relationships with minors. Some of my students – you included – jokingly call me a pedophile, but I'd rather not be tried for it in court." Roy replied, quirking one eyebrow.

Ed adopted a slightly hurt expression. "So people don't hafta know!"

Roy sighed heavily, looking down at the floor next to his feet. He felt Ed touch his shoulder softly. "Mustang, nothing you've said has done anything but make me more stubborn, and told me that you feel the same way." The teen said with a touch of scathing.

The older man snorted. "Obviously."

"So stop thinking." Ed twisted Roy's shoulder around so they were facing and clamped his mouth demandingly over Roy's lips again. He curled both arms around Roy's neck, burying one hand in the thick, soft black hair.

Roy almost overbalanced from the sudden weight of Ed leaning on him, but one hand behind his back steadied him. Half his mind screamed that this was so wrong, but the other half quickly told the first half to shut the hell up. He wrapped his free arm around Ed's waist and pushed himself upright again, allowing Ed to climb into his lap.

Roy pulled back for air, frowning slightly at the teen. "If I could think coherently I'd have something to say, but for right now, you're a nuisance."

Ed smirked. "And you wouldn't have me any other way."

"I probably wouldn't be able to get you any other way." Roy remarked with a dry snort.

Ed grinned smugly. "Of course not. By the way, from now on I'm calling you Roy in private."

The older man shrugged. "If you like."

* * *

Ed collapsed on his bed back at his and Al's house, his head spinning. The small part of him that cared was fixated on the fact that such an affair smacked in the face of everything that was right, while the rest ignored it and wondered how the hell they could get it to work.

"Oh, there you are brother!" Called Al from the door. "I was wondering where you'd gotten to."

"I was relaxing in the park with my book, when it started raining. Mustang was there and let me hang out in his apartment until the rain stopped. We got hung up talking." Ed explained. It was the truth, with a slight edit.

"Okay. I take it, since he entertained you, that you're not hungry at the moment." Alphonse took the explanation at face-value, smiling at his older brother.

"Not so much. When I get hungry later I can get something." Ed replied, grateful Al didn't question further. Then again, there was no reason for him to suspect anything odd: they used to hang out in Roy's apartment a lot.

"All right." Al padded off, probably to finish his homework. That reminded Ed that Roy had assigned something or other for homework. Might as well do it, to get his mind off what had just taken place.

He pulled his bag out and sifted through it, looking for the paper that had the assignment on it. Ed pulled it out, scanning the paragraph that stated the assignment. As he read, a smirk curved his lips. _Roy, you're my favorite teacher_.

* * *

**Next chapter we'll see what the homework is and why Ed likes it so much.**

**Reviews, yes?  
**


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